Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry smoooooosh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(937): View more from Ohio

I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.

Fav 34 2827 2342
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too

Fav 40 1053 4562
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(571): View more from Virginia

She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

Fav 24 1847 4021
share tweet
(564): View more from Washington

I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.

Fav 9 5815 1255
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

Fav 36 8233 1682
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

Fav 25 1916 3671
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(517): View more from Michigan

He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

Fav 19 5790 1344
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(614): View more from Ohio

You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"

Fav 2 366 184
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?

Fav 0 56 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT