I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
