I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
