You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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