Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
