I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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