So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
