He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
