Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
