How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
