sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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