its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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