Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
