My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
