I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
