I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
