Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
