so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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