why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
