no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
