You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
