Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
