You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
