Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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