you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
