Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize