when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
