i need an iv and a liver transplant
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
