if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
