Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do vagina's smell?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
