If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
