Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
