he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
