I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
