Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
