there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
