I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize