So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
