I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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