btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sober January is a disaster.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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