Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
