Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
