i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
