The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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