Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
