dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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