420 ftw
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
