You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize