similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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