I think I won the penis lottery.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
