i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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