Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i out mim tonsoeep
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
