I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
