I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
