WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
