ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
