i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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