Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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