I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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