I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize