taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
