I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
