So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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