hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize