so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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