Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize