champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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