There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
