Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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